It’s Not Just Websites That Need Optimization
Websites are not the only thing that need optimization. In a rather random and sporadic discussion we were recently having in the office about the SEO industry, one of us thought “What else can be optimized in life other than search engine presence?” This got us thinking – gosh, there are a TON of things we think could be done better. This originally started as a super informal to-do list type of deal, but then we thought that the crowd would have some great ideas that we didn’t think of!
So, without further ado, here is the official* (not in any way official and sometimes even downright silly, but don’t we all need a break sometimes?) beginner’s guide to life engine optimization brought to you by the warrior princess goon squad:
|MUSCLE SIZE OPTIMIZATION: Any sports fan knows what I’m talking about. Even body builders get in on the fun of balancing size and strength: http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/kelly6.htm
|M&M COLOR DISTRIBUTION OPTIMIZATION: Which color M&M is consumed first when a new bag is opened? How did the introduction of blue in 1995 affect the rate at which original colors were consumed? How could these original colors go about increasing their relevance for consumption given the new playing field? Please see the following color distribution analysis from 2007 http://joshmadison.com/2007/12/02/mms-color-distribution-analysis/ There are MANY more of these! GRATUITOUS SEO TIE-IN: This should be included because of keyword volume for “M&M color” variables. Even “m&m color distribution” has volume of 260.
|HOT DRINK TEMPERATURE OPTIMIZATION: There are some insulated mugs out there to maintain the temperature for longer, but if the temperature was bad to begin with, maintaining it doesn’t do much good. The bottom line is that if a drink is too hot it will burn you, but if it’s too lukewarm it’s sort of gross. My tea needs balance!!!
|KIDS’ MORNING ROUTINE OPTIMIZATION: It is torture getting them out of bed in the morning, dressed, fed, and off to the bus. As parents, we have found that the more prepared we can be by having their clothes ready, cereal prepared, and coat and shoes by the door, the quicker they are. But then of course, they have some kind of “update” in the middle of the night which throws the whole routine off. Oh well!
|MOVIE RENTAL OPTIMIZATION: Right now it’s super annoying to rent movies! There’s no Blockbuster, Netflix stinks, Amazon doesn’t work here in Israel (and even if it does, it doesn’t have everything), the list goes on and on! There are no easy ways to just rent movies anymore 🙁
|OFFICE TEMPERATURE OPTIMIZATION: Everyone has their own personal temp requests, so let’s personalize them per person so we stop having heating and air conditioner wars!
|PARTY GUEST LIST OPTIMIZATION: I personally suggest filters to make sure nobody super awkward and/or over 40 harsh your buzz. This is more like the PPC of LEO because of the advanced targeting 🙂
|SNEEZE REACTION OPTIMIZATION: Saying “god bless you” to a friend who has sneezed is great. But sometimes you have like EIGHT people saying “god bless you”. That is both a waste of 7 people’s time, and also a severe amount of dilution for “god bless you”s. Why do you want 8 people shouting at you? It’s a distraction. This situation needs optimization really badly. The easy way to solve this issue is with proximity. The person *closest* to the sneezer is first responder, and both has the opportunity and the responsibility to say “god bless you”. If this person does not respond within ONE second, then the second closest person has the opportunity to jump in with a “god bless you”. If the second person fails to capitalize, then the “god bless you” opens up to the entire floor, at which point everyone can chime in with a “god bless you”. Proximity is the clear solution for optimizing “god bless you”s.
|WEATHER OPTIMIZATION: Yesterday it was snowing in the North, Raining in the center, and sunny in South. We all have computers, can we just optimize our time in the sun?
WHEN NATURE CALLS OPTIMIZATION: It would also be really nice if I could optimize when I need to go to the bathroom (i.e. not when I am in the subway station at Grand Central or 10 minutes before I arrive home).
|AIRPORT SECURITY LINE OPTIMIZATION: As a frequent traveler, I dread the awful security lines that could make or break your day depending on the mood of the TSA agent or if you ended up behind that family on their way to Disneyland. In my opinion it would take two simple changes to make this process a whole lot easier. First off, have a line devoted to frequent travelers who can get their laptops out of their bags, shoes off, and all electronics out of their pockets in a speed worthy of the Olympics. Secondly, give all TSA people free coffee and food to keep them happy.
It’s open season on everything. What else would you optimize?
Add your thoughts below in the comments! (And *that* my friends, is how you optimize for blog comments :P)